Loving the Sinner

As I started awakening to my addictions and the damage I have done, I realized that I am not who I believed myself to be. I have been living in facades. In my addictions, I am not a nice person. I am not a kind and caring person. I am not thoughtful and selfless.

I was forced to create facades as a child so that I could become who my childhood environment wanted me to be. I was forced to create addictions in order to meet their demands and to suppress my emotions.

At some point, I started to believe that I am who my facade is presenting to the world. It was only by challenging addictions that I saw the angry, demanding person under it.

I also started to see the hurt child under the addictions. At first, I treated myself badly for my actions. Once I started to see that the addict is a child, I realized that the addict is hurting and need care. In the addiction phase, I have to be firm and resolute in confronting it, but once I find the hurt self, I have to change tactics.

It took me years to figure out how to treat the addict within me. The harshness that created the addict is not going to be the medicine required to heal it. I will have to create an environment very different from the one that created the addiction. My first challenge was that I have internalized the abusers from my childhood as one of my facade. I had to deconstruct the facade.

If cruelty creates the hurtful self that hurt others and self, what is the antidote?

Before I went back to school to become a naturopathic dr, I worked in social services in various roles. I had developed a strong sense of advocacy in the process.

Once I realized that under each addiction is an addict, and the addict is a child, the advocate stepped in. I have zero tolerance for abusing a child. I don’t even believe in using an angry tone with a child, never mind yelling, shaming or controlling the child. In order to respond to the child that is in a very painful condition, I had to learn from my current caretakers on how to treat the sinner.

What do I mean by current caretakers? I believe everyone has a guide or guides assigned by God to help us. They know best on how to care for us and guide us if we are willing. They are people just like you and I that have passed away, and have developed in Love. Some of them have a desire to become guides. I have been very fortunate that I am somewhat mediumistic. It was only a small flicker at first, but after decades of practise, I am able to feel and speak to them.

I started to develop an even stronger connection with my guides, so that they could teach me how to treat myself. I had to learn that I wasn’t giving myself a free pass if I was kind to myself. I was shown that loss of love created the pain that led to addictions, so love will have to be restored in order to heal. I was shown that I was constantly being offered love but as I wasn’t kind to myself, I wouldn’t let it in as it felt foreign to me. Guides always respect one’s free will so they wait until I was willing to feel love for self. Only then it could feel normal to receive love from my guides.

If God could have been my caretaker right from my birth, what would I have learned about Love. Well, it's never too late to start now. I started to do mediumship sessions so that I could observe how God and guides were treating the spirits that have done terrible things, and are now in process of awakening and healing. I observed that God doesn’t punish. All of God’s Laws are meant to be corrective. We have to reap what we sow, so that we could learn from it. I learned that God forgives. Instantly. Forgiveness created the opportunity for me to have courage. To open myself to God and be shown the way back to who God made me to be. I started to become aware that forgiveness of self and others may be a necessity so that I don’t hold on to anger. This anger is mostly hurting innocent people around me that had nothing to do with the abusers that created my pain.

I decided to create an experiment. If the addicts within me were patients in my clinic, how would I treat them. I realized that my true self do not care if the patient is the perpetrator or the victim. I have a strong desire to provide care regardless of how the patient got there. As I kept experimenting with ways I would care for patients, I started to become the healer my hurt self need, so that I could respond to my broken selves. In the process, I started to love the sinner.

By having a desire to love the sinner, I became open to being taught by my guides and God about healing. I became softer to receiving love and care from my guides. I discovered that my true self prays a lot. I learned that by praying, I am opening up to God to heal me. I learned that by praying, my patients are also benefiting.

I still have a long way to go to treat myself the way God is. I do notice that the kinder I am to myself, the kinder I am to everyone around me. I am also discovering parts of my true self in the process, and am delighted with who I find.

Love,

Dr Dharm